$10,000 worth of radioactive materials and other work screw-ups

I don't tend to screw up at work (shut up Ryan!), but when I do, it usually takes quite an army to fix it. Plus, they always tend to occur when I'm under tremendous pressure to get the project done right or there's a tight deadline that I "just can't miss. "

Take yesterday for example. As most of you know, I've been working on a HUGE project that needed to be done by today. The project was going well, but lately we've noticed a number of data discrepancies between the new system and the old that, if left untreated, would cause a multitude of issues when we tried to do our post-project synch. I was left in charge of changing the enrollment schools of 44 students so that they would match. This, my friends, is supposed to be the world's simplest process. All I needed to do was identify the new school and write an update script that popped that new school into the old record. At the most, the process should have taken 30 minutes.

That was 11:00 yesterday morning;I finished at 7:30 this morning.

I still maintain that the completely snazzy, multi-part script that I wrote to accomplish the analysis and update in a single bound was some of my best work. I also maintain that the acoustics in Lincoln Center have nothing on this building as people came from all directions when the heard my scream when I saw this go by after I ran the UPDATE statement: 127808 records updated.

I had forgotten the "Where clause." (non-geek translation: the thingy that tells you WHAT specifically to update as you normally don't mean for the same edit to go to every record in the database) As a result, 128K students, from Preschool through 12th grade, were all enrolled at Sandalwood Elementary.

To their credit, Justin (the DBA) and Mark (my boss) didn't try to kill me. In fact both assured me that the problem wasn't as big as I thought it was. See, at least one or two of the karma Gods had been looking out for me, and I had timed my mistake exactly two minutes after the last scheduled backup. So, we had a really close point-in-time from which we could grab our data, and the users wouldn't have had much of a chance to make additional changes before we shut down the system. Plus, since the backup hadn't had an opportunity to get on to tape (or wherever back-ups go to die), so getting it back would be an "easy process."

Easy, my ass. The damn thing took 6 hours. Apparently the entire networking team subscribes to the Emerald City work-ethic. They get up at 12 and start to work at 1, take an hour (OR 5!!! Without answering their cell phones!!) for lunch and then at 2 they're done. It's jolly good fun, but not when they've left the back-up running with the wrong file name and they're the only people who can make the backups.

Since we didn't have anything else to do, Mark started telling me stories about the stupid things he did when he was a young pro -- like wiping out the entire financial spreadsheet system he designed about five minutes after he implemented it. I shared with him this story...

When I was 19, I landed a research job at Bowman Gray Medical Center at Wake Forest. My Grad Student, James* had made it very clear to us undergrads that after every experiment was complete, ALL WASTE was supposed to be cleaned up through this aspirating pipette that sucked it out of the building and probably into someone's pool in downtown Winston-Salem. Then, the jars were to immediately go into the thermal cleaner. If we were going to keep something, we were to clearly label it. After all, James threatened, we never knew when someone was going to come in and clean up.

Well, I knew, because I did it. That was the summer of me doing stupid things to lose weight (like eating lots of ramen noodles and drinking Kool-Aid -- OK OK, I was a terribly poor college student). That could have clouded my judgement, but I don't think so. Either way, instead of going to lunch one day, I started looking for ways to not be tempted by food. Therefore, I started cleaning up the lab. Since all the important stuff was labeled (including some of James's), it was more than abundantly clear what was being used and what wasn't.

When he returned, the lab was spotless...too spotless...the kind of spotless where you just start looking around for the one thing that you think that you forgot to label as "keep." Which he did....

I don't remember the details of the conversation, just the aftermath. Basically, he asked me where the UNMARKED jar of RADIOACTIVE materials had gone; I told him that I had sucked the entire contents of the jar into the aspirator (as instructed) and stuck the jar in the thermal cleaner (also as instructed). James then freaked. Not because I necessarily had done anything wrong, but because I had followed his instructions to the letter. While he was off lunching it up, this enterprising little co-ed had just sucked $10,000 worth of radioactive isotopes (and a good portion of his thesis work) literally down the tubes. What was worse, was that the aspirator that we had been told that ALL WASTE was to go down was actually, ALL NON-RADIOACTIVE WASTE.

I don't know how I actually kept my job that summer. James had a "discussion" with our boss that I wasn't privy too, but where I suspect he went in preparing to screw me and got screwed himself. Either way, it was a beautiful thing.

In the end, I (obviously) didn't go into medical research. I finished the biotech concentration because I had already started it, but I pretty much knew that I would never do anything with it. I did, however, take away a number of different life-lessons from that experience. The most important of these was: If you are going to insist all summer that you don't have your sister's sweater, don't wear it on the day that you have your security badge photo taken. The second most important though, and the one I still use today was: Follow your own rules because you never know who else will.

This circus is falling down on its knees

The big top is crumbling down
It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no one's around

I think the Counting Crows were on to something. The ark is coming along nicely....

You've been Fogeled

I'm sitting here watching Treasure Hunters on NBC, and my stomach is just turning. Is it gross-out TV a la the typical Discover Health fare? Of coures not, the stomach turning comes from the behavior of one of the Treasure Hunting teams. Specifically, the Preacher and his family, who basically represent the deceptive duality alive and well in American organized religion of the 21st century.

In the first episode, teams were diving for clues when one of the girls needed to take a quick break for air. The guy honestly competing against her decided to take a break with her because, in his opinion, it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of her while she was grabbing a quick breath. The Preacher didn't think that, however. After the girl retreived her clue and was swimming to surface, Papa Fogel ripped it out of her tired hands and laughed as he swam away.

Tonight's episode featured more dickhead behavior by the family. Their simpering daughter couldn't carry the canoe, as required by the competition, so another team stopped to help. The team that helped was rewarded for their good deed when Mama Fogel convinced them to stop ahead of schedule "just in case" and then hauled ass down the river. They "made up for it" by offering a prayer that basically said, "THanks for getting us into second place, we hope everyone is ok with that." Um, no, they weren't.

Over the last few years, Americans have seen their freedoms ripped away, their basic rights to pursue life, liberty and happiness, an thier children sent to die on a relgious crusade under the direction of a so-called religious administration. As a descendent of those who came to this country in search of religious freedom, I am saddened, no, disgusted byt the direction this county has taken in the last six years. The saddest part about all of this is that if Bush had replaced Jesus with Madison as the author of the documents that ultimately govern our country's laws, he would have actually found what he was so desperately looking for (you know: WWMD).

It's blatenly obvious that this trend is here to stay for the time being. While I can't control the behaviors of most organized religions (though I do have to say that I support the bold steps taken of late by my own Episcopal church), nor can I control the behavior of the governmental leaders "elected" to serve this country. What I can control, however, is what I am exposed to for entertainment purposes. For that reason, I will not be watching Treasure Hunters until the Fogels are gone.

You people can't all be busy!

What gives? I am FINALLY free from work for the first time in about two weeks, and despite numerous phone calls and text messages, I can't find a single person to come play with me!!! Seriously, I've gone through my phone and everyone in there is either someone I've called/texted (and I left messages for), someone who lives too far away (the most frequent reason that someone was "eliminated"), someone who's spending a quiet Sunday afternoon with their fiancée/new hubby, someone I work with, or someone who just plain wants to get in my pants (tempting, but no).

How hysterical is it that NO ONE in my phone is available?!! Though if no one calls me back and Kirk Cameron shows up at my doorstep, I'm running for the hills...

UPDATE: I ♥ you guys. Just after I finished this, my phone started ringing off the hook. Thanks Becca, Kristen, and PT for coming to keep me company and to the rest of you who called to offer your support.

Like a diabetic in a candy store

Went to a party this week in DC for my friend who's moving to Australia this Friday. I was nervous because I was pretty sure that Chris was going to be the only person that I knew at the event. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!!

I shouldn't of been at all. Aside from the fact that I was only one of three women in attendance (one of whom I'm pretty sure now was, Deni, the completly awesome UPB assistant before "Ashtray"), and Chris turned out to be the only person I actually confirmed knowing, the party was awesome. Because I didn't have to worry about what they thought of me as a "girl," I could let my hair down and really have a good time with them. That isn't to say, of course, that I wasn't looking (especially once I found out that the bar we were at was a mecca for the young, straight political types). This one couple, Eric and Zoran, were quite amused by my antics -- especially when I was eye-fucking this total Clooney type who didn't look like he was part of our group, but then came up to kiss his boyfriend (or "husband" -- the guys were using a term I wasn't familiar with, and I'm still not sure the difference between the two). Eric and Zoran knew all along, but I clearly didn't.

The drive home was also interesting. I was text messaging with a boy I swore was Jeremey. All the way home, I'm flirting with him and saying some things that I'd never really say if I wasn't feeling just a little more brave than normal (don't worry, I was more than ok to drive). They were DEFINITELY something I wouldn't say to a coworker! But, typical Linds, it turned out they were. Friday morning, I emailed Jer to talk about one of the comments "he" had made, and he didn't have a clue as to what I was talking about. A check of the phone, and it turned out it was Ryan. Whoops!!!

So, who's up for another trip to Local 16?

I'm really not surprised by this...

Took the OK Cupid Political test, and it came out pretty much the way I expected.

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (26% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

The boys are hotter on the Republican side, but I'll stick to my Democratic ideologies!

Front row views

Spent the weekend in NYC with the girls, and Jules and I went to see the hottest show on Broadway. In fact, it's so hot that three NYFD trucks showed up while we were in line for tickets. Ok, ok, so MAYBE it turned out that there was a problem with a fan belt in the air conditioning system, and maybe most of the firemen who showed up weren't exactly calendar candidates, but it was enough for the following conversation to occur between Cassie and myself.
Me: Hey! We're in line for tickets. Oooooh firemen!
Cassie: What?
Me: [to Julia] Quick, go take that one's picture. Take the picture! [to Cass] We're in line for tickets to the Wedding Singer. Building on fire. Hot boys. Got a student ID?
Cassie: Um no...
Me: Well, I've got one. So, you may. Oooh hot boys!! So no interest in the show?
Cassie: No, that's ok.

According to Cass, I wasn't even that coherent. But nonetheless, my GW ID looks just enough like me that I could score two front row tickets for The Wedding Singer for the low-low price of $26.25.

That night, we headed over to the show. The boys sweated on us (a "feature" according to the crazy chick in front of us in line), and a few lines were sprayed, but we didn't really appreciate the front row until the last 30-seconds of the show.

Well, that wasn't really a feature either. In fact, I'm pretty sure the parents of the eight year old (VERY WELL BEHAVED) sitting behind us had quite a bit of explaining to do on the way back to Boise.

See, every Broadway actress, especially those starring in "dancing shows" like TWS, is required to wear full, opaque panties called "spanks." The girl playing Julia (Laura Benanti), had unfortunately forgotten hers during the final costume change, and, to make matters worse, she was wearing a thong. The skirt didn't go high enough to make it visible to the entire theatre, but the first two or three rows got a full view of girly parts.

All in all, pretty cute show for $26.25. Could have done without the flashing, and it wasn't high art, but it really was a nice way to spend an evening.

There's a reason I work from home...

Today, for the first time in a week, I made an appearance at the office.
There's a reason I work from home, and usually it's because I'm sick of
stupid stuff like this....

Went to the ladies room where I discovered that my bra straps were
hanging out all over the place from the really cute, yet really not good
for bra-straps hanging out shirt that I was wearing at work. If I had
noticed before I left the house, a strapless would have been worn...it's
that bad. So, I trooped on down to my friend Sandy's desk because I
figured she'd have a sweater. She did, and she agreed to lend it to me
while I wandered around the office (you know, bathroom, meetings, etc.
If I put the shoes on, the sweater's going on too).

I thank her and turn to walk away. Then, Sandy starts chasing me down.
My skirt was, well, where skirts shouldn't really be in the office
either. I had passed about 10 people in the hall, and none of them had
stopped me. I'm so glad I was wearing cute undies, but I wish that the
entire office didn't know that they didn't match my bra today.

Pink Balloon Update

Completely unexpected too!

From the blog of a gal I went to High School with...

http://www.jenisfamous.com/2006/06/jen-in-latex_06.html

She's really funny, so if you don't have anything to do at work, I completely recommend reading her stuff.

PS: Should I be concerned that the blogger.com spell checker doesn't recognize the word, "blog?"

"Hey Linds, wrong number...

Someone's looking for kettle on line one. Says her name is pot; wants to call him black. Do you wanna take this one?"

Well, I didn't. However, when I got ambushed today at the office, it was all I could do to not go Omorosa on Meg's (fuck it, I'm done being nice with the aliases) ass. See if you can follow this....

Yesterday evening, my friend "Laura" (ok, ok, I said I was done with the aliases, but I need to protect this girl because Liz is back in the picture to some extent. You remember Liz, right? No? Read this, I'll wait...)

Back? Good! Anywhoo, Laura forwarded an email regarding a meeting this Saturday to a bunch of us (5 people total, I counted). Without realizing that Meg was being copied, people started offering their excuses as to why they couldn't attend along with little jokes about Jason's inability to spell wedding (he said "weeding," we made garden gags). Since the email from Jen was sent to my work account, I said this...

I haven't seen anything from Meg on this, and I don't remember an email
from Cia either...
Either way, I'm in VA that day.
Jason, wear gloves. :)

Just for the record, the email from Meg (to my HOME) account just appeared. All statements that I made were true. I didn't remember seeing an email from Cia, I didn't see anything from Meg, and I AM going to be in VA that day.

Incidentally, the other emails (this is going to be important later) said:

I will be at a weeding, so I will not be able to make it. (clearly, that was Jason)

It should be a lovely day for gardening. I won't be able to make it. (Cassie)

I thought everything was said and done. Strangely enough, it wasn't

Imagine my surprise this morning when the original 5 plus thirty other people (I counted!) received this:

Lindsay,
When sending yesterdays email I used all the addresses from Cia's email that was sent on May 22nd. If you will scroll to the bottom you will notice that YOUR name is second on the list of recipients. If you did not receive either of the two, than perhaps you should update your contact information so that we may send you the information needed for any events within our District. Also, the meeting was announced during the State Board Meeting along with any information needed for the District to attend. In the future, some tact in your responses would be much appreciated. A simple (and polite) "Thank You, but I will not be able to attend", would have sufficed.......

I was livid. Not only was I ambushed at work, but this was a deliberate attempt to embarrass me in front of 30 people who, for the simple fact that I exchanged a few kisses with a boy three G-D years ago, have listened to a crazy woman and, as a result, don't like me very much. I wish I could say that I didn't know why this bitch was singling me out, but considering that she's one of Liz's minions, I don't have to go far to imagine.

Incidentally, I wasn't at that meeting in May, and I haven't seen any meeting minutes. Therefore, in addition to "learning a little about tact," I'm apparently supposed to be brushing up on my psychic abilities. Yeah, I'll get right to work on that one.

After I calmed down to the point where I could type, I copied the original 5 and the thirty others in a sickly sweet email (seriously, Jules, thanks for the insulin, I totally needed it!) that apologized for the original "slight," reminded her that though I believed that the 30 others needed to be copied on this email to show that, despite the accusations to the contrary, I actually do have tact and professionalism, in the future, discussions would be best left to the people involved. Namely, her and me. I also said that I hoped that our Chapters could continue to maintain the good relationship that we've had in the past. Furthermore, I reminded her of the important difference between sending and receiving of emails and thanked her for alerting me to a possible problem with my gmail provider.

Damn skippy, I know that that was pure Pulitzer material! I'm so proud of me.

Of course, the email I wanted to send went a little something like this...

Meg~

I truly didn't mean to offend with my email, and I apologize if that's what you felt. I also appreciate your vocabulary lesson. After more than 20 years of being in school/professional workplace, I was so embarrassed to have been operating with such a tactless fashion. I guess that's what has held me back from those high paying jobs. Except, well, I'm pretty sure that by the way you and Liz have been talking, I make more than the two of you...combined. Ok, maybe this non-tact thing's been working a little better than I thought.

Because of your concern, I did take the time to look the word tact up, and, well, I'm more confused. I looked at the emails between my team and myself, and I can't, for the life of me, see what was so offensive. Sure, there was an inside joke between friends that we didn't explain. Then again, we didn't realize you were on the email. If we had, we wouldn't be as careless as we were to rag Jason about his gardening abilities when clearly, someone was copied on the email who either lacked the sense of humor or still had her head jammed so far up Liz's ass (Clinque's supposed to be great to get that brown off your nose, BTW) to see that all you had to do was read between the lines and know that none of us were able to make your precious meeting on Saturday. For the record, I'm pretty sure after that reaction and the public flogging that you put my team, and me personally through because you're clearly on the rag, none of us will be making your precious meetings for a very, very long time.

I sincerely appreciate your driving the point home by displaying what tact clearly ISN'T when you copied thirty strangers on an email that they clearly had no business or interest in beyond gossiping about the fool that you were hoping to make of my team. I'm a big fan of irony, so I'm pretty sure that most of the people who are reading this email (beyond those who hate me for a thirty second relationship that took place 3 years ago), are capable of identifying that the one who displayed a complete and total lack of tact and succeeded in making not only a fool, but an ass of themselves was, in fact, you. However, since I was publicly rebuked in front of them, I would appreciate your filling in the blanks. Some names I recognize, and some I don't. Who are these people, please? [AT THIS POINT, A LIST OF THOSE WHOSE EMAILS I DON'T RECOGNIZE WOULD APPEAR. THESE HAVE BEEN DELETED FOR THEIR PRIVACY].

Despite the eye-rolling, back-stabbing and out and out lies that have been told about my team, specifically "Laura" and myself, we have tried to be the bigger people and hold back, even when we can clearly see what's going on. Unfortunately, you, Liz, and "Lucky" aren't helping matters with that, but we won't get into body types here. As an aside, I would like to say that Weight Watchers has done wonders for me in the past, and I could see wonderful things for you if you just made a little effort. Thanks to the online program you won't have to deal with people. Clearly, dear, that's not one of your strongest points.

Meg, I'm not trying to Dr. Phil you, but I think I've narrowed down the problem. Now, I don't know if you're on the rag this week, but if you're not (or you're a little kinky) I'd like to encourage you to get laid. Please, for the good of society just find a man and bang him. Hopefully, he's not the loser who you claim beat you up -- though the lack of evidence leads me to believe that you were simply trying to get attention from a happily-attached man. Your personality is screaming born-again virgin, and it's not healthy for anyone!! Seriously, get your head out of Liz's ass, think for yourself, find a man, blindfold him, tie him up, and get you some before you have a heart-attack or decide to get stupid again with the wrong person. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

PS...To remind you of your own advice: If it gets to be a problem, a simple and polite "Thank you, but I will not be able to come" will more than suffice.

Wow, I feel A LOT better now...

Thoughts? Opinions? Leave 'em in the comments kids!

Breaking News!

King George II finally admits that there’s a Constitution! Of course, it’s only in the context that he wants to change it by removing civil rights and spewing blatant discrimination against a group because he believes what they’re doing is “icky,” but the fact that he and Alberto Gonzales are actually admitting that that piece of parchment in the National Archives is more than just a doodle, is a step. Of course, it’s probably in a step in a giant pile of Barney poo, but it’s a step nonetheless.

Bush also sends a message to gays by choosing to do all of this on the 25th birthday of AIDS. Let’s face it, that’s not a happy birthday to begin with, but Bush’s choice to make that specific speech tonight basically like your boss showing up at your mother’s funeral and laying you off. Completely classless and proof that he’s completely out of touch with not only reality, but basic human decency.

We have children left behind, soldiers acting like terrorists, the middle class slipping further and further into poverty, and Osama bin Laden still at large. However, Bush feels that this is the issue that is ripping America apart. He sees that his time and energy are best spent on spitting on the basic inalienable rights upon which this country was founded (you know: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness).

The beauty of the Constitution is that it can always be changed, but all changes from Madison’s Bill of Rights through today have been to include others those basic rights. This proposed amendment specifically singles out a group of hard-working, tax-paying Americans and judges them not by the content of their character, but by what they choose to do in the bedroom.

King George claims that that this amendment is good for “family values,” but you can’t teach family values and bigotry at the same time. Even if our Democratic leadership is sure that it’s a “political ploy in an election year,” it’s scary that the President (the person who isn’t even supposed to be making laws according to that piece of paper he doesn’t even care about anyway), feels that he can set all of this in motion. As a straight woman, I have to wonder: what's next (and not in that comforting Martin Sheen/Jimmy Smits way, let me assure you).

To the gays of America, and those of all sexualities who support the Constitution, President Bush apparently has one message for all of us...

Those who fight on the side of truth, right, and justice

A year ago, my Support Our Troops magnet was swiped from my car. Even though I had always intended to replace it, I never did.

After learning about the massacre – let’s not put a “pretty” name on it, we all know what it was – at Haditha, I’m glad I saved that $5.99. The reason is simple: I can’t support our troops anymore.

I have never understood or trusted the reasons we were in Iraq. The case for war was made too quickly, and the line of the administration was that if you weren’t with us, you must support terrorism. I guess with that logic, I suppose that the 28% approval rating justifies the tapping of everyone’s phones. However, as much as I didn’t support the reasons we were there, I supported the men and women who were being sent to the front of the “War on Terror.” Being a “Navy Junior,” I understood that even if you don’t agree with the mission and its reasoning, you trust that your Commander in Chief is working with the best knowledge and has the best of intentions in sending the troops wherever they’re going. You also trust that missions will be conducted with the utmost respect for civilian life and that anyone who doesn’t respect that will be dealt with in the proper way.

Unfortunately, though that may have been the case at the beginning, the incident at Abu Ghraib Prison, the “accidental” bombing of the Golden Mosque, the massacre at Haditha, the shootings of pregnant women, and the subsequent cover-ups of each have shown that throughout the course of the war, the lines have been blurred to the point that it’s impossible to tell who, exactly, are the “terrorists.”

When Abu Ghraib went to trial, the usual line was “I was just following orders.” There’s no telling what the excuses for Haditha will be, but possible candidates include:

• I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place


• I was angry over my comrade’s death


• We feared for our own lives.

It’s the last excuse that I find the hardest to believe. If it were a house full of adults, I may have been able to stomach it. But these were children. I don’t care how “angry” or “afraid for your life” you are, you don’t shoot a child. Shooting children and photographing the adults in a sexual manner make the people who do this in the name of the United States of America no better than the gang of 19 who executed September 11 in the name of Allah.

Five days after Pearl Harbor, former First Lady Grace Coolidge said, “…it will be a long hard conflict that will call for the utmost effort from every one of us but we cannot doubt that the forces which have truth and right and justice on their side will win.” Right now, I’m not sure which forces – the Americans or the insurgents – those are, and until I know, I won’t be supporting either.

A declaration

I have exactly three months left until my 10-Year High School reunion, and I still haven’t made any progress in losing the weight that I’ve been trying to lose for the last six weeks.

Completely unacceptable, and things are changing TODAY.

For some reason, I can’t seem to get below 140#.  Since a lot of the problem has to do with going out for a few drinks with friends and then eating greasy food afterwards, think that it would go a long way if I would stop going out for drinks until I reach 132#.  I’m also going to stop eating at 7:00 PM.  Water, diet soda, and juice after 7.  If I am “absolutely starving,” then some sort of fruit or veggies would be ok.

I’m also going to commit to the gym with a goal of 3750 minutes achieved between now and then.  I was doing well before my computer went down, but the loss of my previous progress shouldn’t be an excuse to slack off.  Even though it doesn’t exist anymore, I can be proud of my previous achievements and use it as an inspiration for the future.

The work starts today.  VA Beach, here I come!

He's Kidding, Right?

From KERO23 in Bakersfield, CA, this is a good example of what's wrong with the prison system these days...

BAKERSFIELD -- An 85-year-old preacher is speaking out after being attacked
in a home invasion robbery.
The same day Jairo Gutierrez was released from prison in Corcoran after serving five years for car jacking, he was arrested on three felony charges after police said he attacked an elderly preacher.
James Jones said he was shocked to see a man standing in his kitchen Monday
night.
"I said, 'you know you're trespassing' and when I said call the cops he went crazy and grabbed a paring knife and went to work on me," said Jones.
Jones is a preacher who has been working in ministry for 50 years.
Gutierrez said he was just walking through his house hoping no one lived there.
"I just wanted to see check out the house because I want to buy some house out here," said Gutierrez.
"If that man hadn't been strung out on drugs, he'd probably gut me with that knife instead of working on my head and I wouldn't be here," said Jones.
Jones said Gutierrez came at him with a knife and stabbed him several times. The point of the blade was actually lodged in his head.
Jones' elderly wife ran after Gutierrez with a portable radio, and he ran when she came after him.
"His wife came at me and tried to pull my hair," said Gutierrez. "I just tried to ignore her."
Gutierrez said he's tired of jail and when he gets out the next time, he said he won't commit any crimes.

I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that the system clearly failed to rehabilitate Guiterrez the first time is pretty bad, but I think that the fact that he has a reasonable expectation that he'll get out is even worse. Clearly, this was his second offense, but if the second has escalated to attempted murder of a a man of God, I'm not sure I want to see what else he'll come up with for his third.

Hooray for Miami!

It's no secret that I'm not a big fan of Professional Basketball. The game, which used to boast such lookup-worthy stars as Michael Jordan, David Robinson, Scottie Pippen, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson, has degenerated into a world of thugs who look to basketball as a way to get a (partial) college education and a mouth full of gold. Allegations of rape, drugs, and fights have permeated basketball coverage of the last several years, and it's almost impossible to tell whether you're watching a basketball game or the WWE.

One of the most glaring examples of the degeneration of the game occurred in Detroit in November of 2004. That was the night that Ron Artest and the Indiana Pacers laid the beat-down on a couple of fans who they believed had thrown an object from the stands. The most severely beaten man -- the one who was believed to have thrown a cup of soda to start the melee -- was STILL HOLDING HIS CUP OF SODA when Artest decked him.

Though the blame mostly lay with the Pacers for the fan-related incident, it actually started when Ben Wallace of the Pistons fought back after a hard foul by Artest. The guys were shoving on the floor, and then the cup came into play. Though the players stayed responsible (and out of the stands), the fact remains that the fight started with the Pistons and escalated with the Pistons' fans.

By contrast, Shaquille O'Neal of the Miami Heat has worked hard throughout to establish himself as the next role model player in the league, and he has succeeded. He's graduated from college, pursued a Masters Degree, distanced himself from his more-troubled teammates, assisted with arresting a man making anti-gay slurs, and is pursuing a post-basketball career as a Miami Police Officer. The reputation of the team lives and dies with Shaquille O'Neal, and it is refreshing to see the karma gods of basketball lay their favor with those who deserve it.

Detroit's elimination by the Miami Heat last night may be just enough for this girl to take a passing interest in the NBA finals this year.

Casual Fridays

I'm becoming more and more disturbed by the "Casual Fridays" clothing
choices of my co-workers. So far this morning I've seen:

1) The pink Hawaiian shirt and PINK pants ensemble that would have made
Liberace stand back and say "Hold up, nobody's that gay*!" That was the
guy in the parking lot (who, incidentally, I saw at almost the same time
that I saw the pink balloon).
2) The bright green Hawaiian shirt that I swear is glowing.
3) A new grandma in a K-fed wife-beater

And my personal favorite

4) The t-shirt and spandex LEGGINGS ensemble worn by the woman who
usually shows up looking like she just stepped out of the 80s.
Surprisingly enough, it's an improvement over the massive shoulder pads,
Laura Ashley dresses, giant hair bows, but not by much. I'm trying to
figure out a way to casually go over and see if the neck's been cut out
(a la Flashdance), so I'll keep you posted when I know something.

* Not implying anything about the dude's sexuality, believe me. It's a
quote; do you know where it came from?

They're multiplying

About 20 years ago, there was this really strange movie called The Red Balloon which, if I remember correctly, just showed a red balloon floating around Paris accompanied by funky French musak. Though not high-art, it was quaint and cute, and I had to watch it all three years I took French.

Really, this has nothing to do with it, but I think I'm being followed by PINK BALLOONS! Last night, as I was leaving home to meet my softball team, I almost ran over a pink balloon in my neighborhood. Then, another appeared at the Bay Café. Incredibly, this morning there yet was another one in the parking lot at work!

Each time I see one, it's by itself, and no one will acknowledge that they've brought the balloon to the location. Also, I'm the only one who seems to notice that it's there. It's possible that the others are noticing the balloon, but haven't attached any significance to it because it's not the third one that they've seen in less than 24 hours.

I'm pretty sure it's not the same balloon, because, well, that would be weird. However, I'm a little disconcerted by the whole experience. Is it possible that the pink balloon has replaced wiretapping as the government's new and exciting way of tracking everything we're doing, and I'm the only one who's noticed?

I'll keep you guys posted as more appear....

Ben if you're reading this...

Thanks for finally stopping the phone calls. The emails saying that you're "creeped out" by the fact that I'm not emailing you back are still a little annoying, but I'm ignoring those for the most part. Here's a hint, if you send over 100+ emails, voice mails, and texts in a 3 week period and a girl doesn't contact you back, there's a reason. Maybe you started out normal (actually, I know you did), but you quickly disintegrated into total and utter weirdness.

I don't want to resort to something like this, but I will....

http://www.wimp.com/morning/

Thank you, you've been warned.

Back from the dead

This is a truly heartbreaking story out of Indiana...

About a month ago, a group of students from Taylor University were involved in a van crash. Four students and a faculty member were killed, three of the van occupants were treated and released, and the fourth survivor has remained in a coma at a local hospital.

The girl only recently came out of the coma, and that's when her "family" realized that she wasn't the right girl. As late as Monday, she was saying things to them that didn't make any sense and that's when they finally decided to check the dental records.

Whoops!

To be fair, the girls do bear a striking resemblance to each other. They're both blonde with similar chins, builds, and hair textures. The family of the one girl didn't look at her body before they buried it, and the other was clinging to the belief that their daughter was spared. But the question remains: How horrifying was this crash that it would disfigure a girl to the point that she wouldn't be recognized by her own "family"? Moreover, if there was any doubt to the identity of the crash victims, why wouldn't a DNA or dental record comparison be run at the time that the body was in the coroners office? This way, the parents of the dead could grieve their daughter properly (and bury her in her hometown) and the parents of the living could help nurse their daughter back to life.

Despite the mix-up, both girls were mercifully taken care of and loved during the time they were away from their families. The dead girl was given a proper burial, surrounded by feelings of love and support; it may have been for another, but her parents can sleep at night knowing that the burial rites were performed and that their daughter was embraced in death by someone. The living girl has had a constant stream of visitors and support (both in person and online) as she has slept and recovered, and her parents can sleep at night knowing that their little girl was never abandoned.

This incident highlights the importance of having access to and actually using dental and/or DNA records in a time of need. This wasn't 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina, it was a car crash. The occupants of the vehicle were all known and yet two were still misidentified. If the proper tests had been performed on at least one of the girls in the early days of the aftermath, the mistake would have been found when the hurt was still raw and when the parents had not yet begun to heal. By waiting this long, the rug has been pulled out from under both families and the journey begins again.