I should be too old for this...

But, apparently, I'm not.

Sometimes I wish I had just sucked it up, kept the relationship that I had my senior year alive, gone on to marry the guy, and hopped out of the dating pool. Sure, he spent more time with the professors in his PhD program than with me, and he had at least three more years in Blacksburg before we could move back to civilization, but I'm pretty sure we could have been happy for at least a few years before I killed him.

Alas, I didn't. And now I fear I'm stuck with the rejects from the shallow end.

Case in point, I'm back on one of those popular online sites (sorry, I'm not going to say which one), and I keep getting emails from people I know/dated in the past. This is a particular problem for me because, as we've discussed, I seem to attract a lot of "Georges," and therefore, being on these sites seems to encourage the "I always loved you from afar" type of emails that make the existing relationship difficult. Seriously, guys, if you didn't ask when it was free, what makes you think that the fact that I'm a paying member changes anything? If you had the crush, and you didn't open your mouth before now, please don't assume my appearance on an online site is any indication that I'm seeking you out specifically.

There should be a rule that says that even if an ex/friend/coworker is "introduced" to you by the system, you get a free pass to ignore it. The system can use all the algorithms in the world to tell you who you could be attracted to, but it'll never be able to tell who you've already befriended or rejected. There's a human element involved and, assuming that you actually ARE a human, only the two of you can be equipped to make the decisions necessary to ignore the computer's attempts at matchmaking.

Considering what the computer has sworn I'd be interested in, in the past (twice-divorced, two kids, no education), the human element is extremely important. Just trust me on this one.

Exceptions to this rule do exist and include a) people I haven't seen in way too long, b) people who have been on extreme makeover or won the lottery in the last few months, or c) the ex-boyfriend who dumped me when I was fat and now that I'm skinny is looking to reconnect.

Anyone who falls into the "C" category, however, does so at his own risk. The second that I realize that you're superficial enough to only want me back because I'm less of a woman than the one you remember, revenge is mine. And, if this blog is any indication of how snarky I can be when crossed, you've been duly warned.

The problem, however, is that when I haven't been crossed or loaded up on a few glasses of wine and some painkillers (like now -- gym accident, don't ask), I come across as a very sweet little gal, who most men interpret as being interested, when I'm simply being friendly. I think it has something to do with the fact that my military upbringing required me to make friends fast. Therefore, when I see someone hanging on the edge of a group, I work to bring them in. If they're a guy and they've got any sort of self-esteem problem at all, this usually brings problems for me in the form of emails, phone calls, and cyber-stalking (even when the only way they've gotten my information is from group emails or tricking another friend into giving it up). However, knowing how frustrating it can be to be on the outside looking in, I can't help it.

But back to the boys on the random internet dating sites. Most guys don't get how much of a problem this can be, but now that most of the sites feature that whole "who peeked at your profile" feature, it makes things just a little awkward.

Like today. Today, I was on the site when I came across a profile name that looked a little familiar. Couldn't place it, so I opened the profile. It was an acquaintance I haven't seen in a few years. Nice guy, but I was never really attracted to him. Lots of reasons, that I can't really remember right now, though. As soon as I realized who it was, I closed the profile. No messages, no winking, no harm done, right?

Wrong. Even though I always try to do my cyber-stalking offline (saves on the heartache when I come across a hot ex or I want to anonymously check out a profile with a spectacularly bad picture), I kinda wasn't. Within minutes of me leaving the profile, the boy emailed me asking if I wanted to have a drink. All because he saw that I had checked him out. But I didn't. I checked out the profile, but I spent less than 30 seconds on the profile because I realized who it was as soon as I opened the profile. Unfortunately, the online system never tells the guy how long I spent on the profile, just that I did.

Aside to anyone who works for one of those sites, that would be a fabulous enhancement!

So, now I find myself walking the fine line of sucking it up and going for the sake of going (thus encouraging something that has a snowballs chance) or letting him down as easy as I can without making it too terribly awkward on the off-chance I run into him at a later date. Though I seriously haven't seen him in over a year, this is a smaller town than you'd think. Believe me, it could happen.

I should be too old for this crap.

But, apparently, I'm not.