Summertime Tips

Not mine, but always good...

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise
your big toes and repeat after me: As a member of the Faux Paux
Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other
open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the
sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. I will
go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I
will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I
will shave the hairs off my big toe. I won't wear pantyhose even if my
misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam
really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. I
will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.
Scholl 's if my feet need him. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes
at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small
enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my
safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when
standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with
me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
and begin to look like Vienna sausages. I will be brutally honest with
my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly
to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've
been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the
world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually
flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear
NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. I will promise to go my
local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure
(they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00
and get a even better one. I will promise to throw away any
white/off-white sandals that show of wear... nothing is tackier than
dirty white sandals.