Opportunity, the Easter Bunny, my former neighbor...which of these doesn't knock once?

Had an interesting conversation with Neighbor-J last night. Yes, I know he moved, but to me, he will always be my stalker-neighbor.

Here’s a little background to catch up the masses….

Monday night, went out for margaritas and came home to find that one of the cats had puked on the bed. Rather than deal with it then (gross, yes, but I was a little loopy and tired!), I grabbed my non-pukey pillows and went downstairs to sleep on the futon. Turned on the TV and a light, but basically I was out within five minutes.

At 9:30, someone starts knocking on the door. I’m tired. I don’t answer. At first I thought it may have been Becca or Cassie, but then I realized that I just saw them and if either of them had found some trouble, they’d yell.

The knocking continues and gets suspiciously close to my head. At this point, I start to suspect who it was. Then the phone starts ringing (next to my ear!). Suspicion almost confirmed. Though I’m fully awake (and angry) now, I still don’t answer the door because I know what happened to Kristen when she made that mistake, and I really don’t feel like entertaining the boy for an hour when all I want to do is curl up and go to bed! Without him!!

So last night, he calls to “check on the cat.” It’s ok if you interpret this as, “I’m bored and I want you to entertain me, and I know you’re home because I’m in your front yard.” I certainly did. Except (thank God) he wasn’t in my front yard.

He tells me he stopped by on Monday night. I feign innocence. I’m good at that.

“Really,” I say.

“Yep,” he says, “I was in the neighborhood and wanted to check on the cat.” That I left in lockup for 21 days and I didn’t bother to visit, I continued for him. “Both cars were there, and I saw him on the futon. Julia was lying there, but she didn’t answer…even when I started knocking right next to her head.”

Now I swear that Cassie and I told Jason that Julia was in New York at the last BJAC Meeting. I swear he was pretty happy about it too (sorry, Jules). He’s probably coming by the house at least 2-3 times a week as well, so how has he not realized that she moved?

I told him it was me, not Julia on the couch. I told him I was dead asleep too.

“Yeah, you moved a little when I knocked on the window, but I could tell you were asleep.”

Ok, if you could tell I was asleep, why the hell did you keep knocking? Moreover, WHY DID YOU START CALLING!!??!!

I’m more creeped out by this than the time that (I’m pretty sure) he saw me naked. If anyone needs me this weekend, I’ll be at Home Depot looking into some industrial-strength steel blinds. I could be out of town as Jason generously offered to come over and go through my stuff watch the cats, but I thought better of it.

Happy Easter everyone!