Sometimes, it just works out

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Distant? Really? Oh well, I just thought the color choice was funny. :)

Then we get to this...

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Actually, I've been hooked on Wil's blog for a few months now. Little Wesley Crusher's all grown up with a wife and teenage stepsons. It's fascinating reading in a great conversational style.

Things not to tell your first date -- especially if you want to see her again...

Another day, another bad date...

Last night, I went out with Tim*, a lovely boy I met at a BJAC event last month. We were supposed to have had our first date that week that I was so sick, but since I was spending my days talking to the television, that really wouldn't have been a good idea.

Then again, maybe the drugs would have helped...

To be fair, it wasn't like last night was gouge my eyes out, slit my wrists, dull. Tim's actually quite the interesting character. Yes, that's it, "character." It's just that he turned out to be a little more, well, open and honest than I was comfortable with on a first date.

It started when I couldn't quite remember what he looked like (clearly he couldn't remember me either because he walked past me twice before it finally clicked for me). Then, he told me all about his gambling scheme: a friend doesn't want to pay his ex-wife alimony and child support, so the buddy "hangs out on his mom's couch all day and makes bets" for the guys. I learned all about horse racing -- a subject that I really only care about 2, maybe 3, weekends a year (depending on whether or not there's a Triple Crown contender). Good news: I think I finally understand the trifecta!

But wait, his money-making schemes aren't limited to gambling. He, very loudly I might add, shared with me last summer's adventure into DRUG DEALING. And no, we're not talking a little pot here and there. Though he claims to not have actually done the dealing himself, he gave his buddy $3,000 in "start-up funds." I was appalled. I was trying to get him to shut up, but for the longest time he just wasn't getting the point.

Desperate for conversation, I moved on to Law and Order. Strangely, after the previous two tracks, it just felt "safe" to me. That prompted him to tell me all about the summer that HE spent living on his mom's couch watching L&O and the fact that he'd rather spend Christmas with "Uncle Lennie" and "Aunt Serena" than head to Philly to spend the day with his real, live family!

Speaking of family, did you know my "parents didn't raise me right?" That's right, kids. My date, ON HIS FIRST (AND LAST) ATTEMPT TO GO OUT WITH ME told me that my parents didn't raise me right. I think he thought he was joking, but that sealed his fate.

I almost had an out, but something went wrong there too. I was mid-sentence when this large, greasy (like environmental lawyer greasy, not homeless greasy) guy showed up next to me...staring. No, "excuse me." No, I-think-I-know-you gestures. Just
STARING. I stop mid-word and turn to the interloper, disappointed to find that my fantasy of being "rescued" from a bad date by George Clooney has once again fallen through.

Me: Can I help you?
GreasyGuy: Um, I um think I know you. Where did you go to school?

Normally, isn't that the preference of the recognized to ask that question, not the recognizer? Yeah, that's what I thought too -- at least to ask it in the way that it was asked (you kinda had to be there). It turns out that he doesn't know me at all. He thinks he may have known Jules. Or he may have seen my "get me out of here " expression (it was right in the middle of the drug conversation) and thought he could alpha-male my date into leaving. Either way, it didn't work, and it reinforced my opinion that you cannot...ever...meet...a...man...at...a...bar!!!!

You'd think in a city of almost a million people, I'd finally meet a normal boy. Frankly, though, I'm starting to doubt they exist at all.

* Not his real name, but you already figured that out.

Another $%^#$ Reunion Email

So, the reunion is coming up, and ticket sales are low. I mentioned the other day that I was considering sending an email to some of the kids in my class who hadn't purchased tickets and who I thought would appreciate the humor of the situation.

In deference to my publicist's advice, I didn't use the subject line I wanted to. Instead, I used "Cox High '96 Reunion: All of the Fun, None of the Botox." Probably for the best, Christy would have had a heart-attack if she caught wind of the other one...

And the letter was significantly more tame than the options I threw out earlier. See what I mean?

Hey, [Random Classmate]!

I know you’ve probably gotten about 10,000 calls/emails/texts/IMs/people jumping up at you from behind the bushes (sorry, that was my crazy ex – totally not related to this) about this already, but trust me, there’s a reason. The Class of ’96 Ten-Year Reunion is coming up fast, and it won’t be the same without you there!!

Whether you’ve spent the last ten years raising hell or raising babies; serving your community or 5 to 10 in the pen; happily married or giving those girls from Sex and the City a run for their money, I know you’ve got some great stories to tell. Why not share them in Virginia Beach this Labor Day Weekend?

There are a lot of things I could say to encourage you to attend our class reunion, but frankly, they all invoke images of Grosse Point Blank and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, and we all know how those movies turned out (everyone put big smiles on their faces, showed up looking fantastic, and there was relatively little bloodshed). Sadly, we don’t live in the movies; you probably need a few “real-people” reasons to book it to the beach for a long weekend:

• Spend quality time with the folks in September, and you’re free to head to Vegas this Christmas.
• Admit it…you really want to see how your prom date turned out.
• Pimp your blog, latest novel, or soon-to-be-released independent album or film.
• Spiked punch? Forget it, we’ve got a bar!
• Put those crazy hit-man rumors to rest once and for all. :)

If, despite all this, the thought of purchasing a ticket to our Ten-Year Reunion STILL makes you want to drink, check out this exciting offer from Bombay Sapphire, courtesy of their beautiful and fabulous (totally objective opinion, the fact that she’s my twin sister is completely beside the point) publicist:
If you purchase a ticket to the class reunion by July 31, you will be entered into a drawing for a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Premium Gin, a cocktail recipe book, and two martini glasses courtesy of Bombay Sapphire.

So now you’re probably thinking, “Quit rambling, girl, just give me the details.” Here they are…

• Date: Saturday, September 2, 2006
• Location: The Lesner Inn - 3319 Shore Drive, Virginia Beach, VA 23451 (http://www.lesnerinn.com/)
• Price: $60 per ticket (plus a $3 “PayPal Charge” if you purchase online)
• Ticket Sales: Make checks payable to: Cox Class of 1996. Mail to: SCHOOL ADDRESS DELETED
• All the rest: http://www.cox96alumni.org/

I know that in the movies, most of these notes sign off with something like, “Get on down to the old homestead and see how the cows are doing.” Again: Grosse Point Blank + Romy and Michelle + usually doesn’t make a whole lot of sense = not happening. Therefore, I hope the last 10 have been all you’ve ever wanted them to be, I’d love to hear an update, and, if your parole officer clears it, I’ll see you in VA Beach this Labor Day Weekend! Don’t forget, purchase your tickets by July 31, and you’re eligible for the gin drawing!

Cheers!

~Linds

Truly Bad Television

So, remember when I was out in Vegas and I told you all about this racket where CBS paid me $50 to watch spectacularly bad television and give my opinion on it?

One of the shows has actually made it to the surface (excuse the pun...you'll see what I mean).

It's called Aquaman, and it's about, well, Aquaman. He's apparently some superhero in the DC Comics Universe, but you can see how much knowledge I don't have about comic book characters. According to TPTB at UPN+WB = CW, it was supposed to be a spin-off of Smallville because, you know, it's like a super-hero show and all and keeping in mind the implied semi-racist connotations that all super-heros know each other/are related, it was supposed to make sense that a boring kid from Smallville, USA is supposed to have enough connection to this blond adonis from Mercy Reef, Florida (also USA for those playing at home).

It's actually a shame that the CW isn't putting it on their schedule this fall. Considering these are the people who brought us Britney and Kevin: Chaotic and Beauty and the Geek, I'm a little taken-aback by this choice. Occasionally, we get hit with quality television like Gilmore Girls, and the parent-net had such a great run with their last water-themed show. Shame about that Joey Potter though....

It's truly bad television, but if you've got $2, a steady stream of tequila (because, seriously, this could make an excellent drinking game), and the patience to try to figure out how a television show starring a former Miss Universe, a James van der Beek lookalike, Lou Diamond Phillips and Ving Rhames could possibly go wrong, I encourage you to check it out!

CNN makes me laugh

I know, I know, the right wing is probably screaming right now about how CNN's use of this photo is proof of their leftist agenda.

I can't tell if Condi's got a hangover or if the Lebanese spokesperson is saying "One of these days Alice..."

Either way, it's funny. Get over it.

My 10 Year Reunion

So the reunion is almost upon us and so far only 80 tickets have been

sold for a class of 493. This could be construed as a little sad, but
what's even more sad is the fact that now that I've seen the list of
people who have purchased tickets, I'm not sure if I even want to go
anymore.

It's not that I don't want to see the people that have signed up to
attend (or their wives), it's just that there were some people that I
was hoping to see there, and they haven't yet purchased tickets. I
suppose I could email them to encourage them to attend, but seriously
how is that email going to go?

Hey XXX, it's me. I know I haven't talked to you in 10 years, but I
just took a look at the list of people who have signed up for our
10-Year, and I'm seeing a serious lack of hot, single guys. I know you
were a total hottie last time I saw you and if I'm any indication, our
class is much like a fine wine -- only getting better with age. Since
the only way I'm seriously going to survive a weekend confronting almost
every insecurity that plagued me for four years while attending the damn
school the first time around is to get impossibly drunk, I was wondering
if you'd reconsider attending. At the very least (like if you're
involved with someone who is a little scary or impossibly sweet), you'll
give me something nice to look at/flirt shamelessly with and will save
me from gouging my eyes out while Erin R. lectures me on the perils of
drinking and driving.

I think not.

Maybe I should just email them and encourage them to attend without the
ulterior motives so shamelessly outlined. As we all remember, I haven't
had the best luck rekindling connections from elementary school
(different school...ScaryBen won't be there and I totally wouldn't
encourage him even if I did graduate with him). I'm hoping that this
could be different. For starters, the people I'm talking about have
actually left Va. Beach (yes I realize that ScaryBen did too, but he
returned to his parents' house when he got back from Japan) and are no
longer living with their parents. That, in my book, is always a great
first step. Secondly, the individuals in question have never projected
psychotic tendencies. They know how to use a telephone and would never
presume to call get completely high at 9 in the morning, call a girl at
her stuffy office, and NOT GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE when she asks him to;
nor would they call the same girl over 50 times in a 48 hour period --
mostly after midnight. Ok, really I don't know this to be a fact, but I
do know that each crazy-boy has his own personal MO, and while many may
attempt to copy off each other (how many door-bangers and insane callers
have I encountered since college?), they each escalate differently and
must be dealt with in different ways. Plus, the crazy-boys don't tend to
be successful and secure and if they show up to this thing, they must
be, right?

Or maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and get back to work....

If my work-life were a comic strip...

There's absolutely no doubt that it would be Dilbert.

Case in point: Lately, people have been swinging into my high-walled, music/fan insulated cube looking for Doric (who sits in front of me) or Mark (who sits behind me). When I tell them I haven't seen them as my x-ray vision hasn't been perfected, they ask me to tell them that they're looking for them when I do. One person had the balls to ask me to turn off my radio and listen for Doric. Then, I was supposed to get up and alert him to the fact that this individual wanted to speak to him.

This individual sits a mere 15 feet away....

True to form, my frustrations were highlighted in last Friday's Dilbert. I did a little editing in Photoshop, printed out a copy, and slapped it to the side of my cube. I can't wait to see how many people come by to comment (and then ask if I've seen Doric or Mark)!!

For copyright purposes, I'm not sharing that one. Here's the strip as Scott Adams meant it to be...