It's been a while

3.5 years to be exact.

What can I say, I've been busy.  I've:

• Gained and lost a roomate
• Lost and gained 20 lbs (twice)
• Run 2 marathons (and am training for a third)
• Run 7 or 8 half marathons (they're all starting to run together...pun intended)
• Written two novels (neither of them published...yet)
• Fallen in love twice
• Had my heart smashed twice
• Watched friends marry and divorce
• Met three of my favorite authors
• Watched a friend gain and lose a television show (but he's back on TV now...)
• Lost dear friends to cancer (LET'S FIND A CURE!)
• Joined the Bone Marrow Registry
• Joined the RWA
• Watched my sister meet the man she'll soon marry
• Survived a hurricane and an earthquake in the same week
• Camped in the woods (never again)
• Camped on the beach (again again!)
• Witnessed a full body apparition
• Went to Texas looking to meet a cowboy (and met a biker instead...NOT the same thing)

Interesting stories, all.  One day I might just tell them.  In the meantime, I'm excited to be back, sharing these little snippits of my life...or something resembling reality.

Things that are awkward #1,213

Having your boss walk up behind you while the only sex-scene in an entire audiobook is playing and asking what you're listening to.

Independence Day

It's that time of year again....


Time for the country to take a breather, a time out, and celebrate a major accomplishment by blowing each other up with the pyrotechnic amateur hour.


Call it: Thanksgiving for the dangerous, if you will.


This year, we have much to celebrate in the world of independence. Scooter Libby is one step away from a presidential pardon. Paris Hilton is finally out of jail. Nicole Ritchie is finally going to eat again (we hope!!).


But I know that the real reason that we're all celebrating this year is because of the six little words my boss said to me yesterday:

Everything looks good; let's open the system.

For those of you not in IT, that means: The project from hell is officially done!!!

Photo by Flickr User: Kyle Walton

Yes, kids, my life can finally get back to normal. I can go out on a weeknight. I can resume my half-marathon training with gusto. I can make it back to the gym. I can go to bed not having worked a 14 hour day (like last week when I worked 50 hours of overtime). I can wake up at a normal time. I can eat real food again (again, last week: the pizza guy and I were on first-names and I gained 5 pounds). I can breathe. I can sing (karaoke!). I can take people up on their social invitations.

I can go on vacation.

I've even written a short play about it (ok, really, it wasn't me, but if you want to have a role, you'll say it was me).

Supportive Friend: Linds, that's awesome that your project is done. What are you going to do next?

Me: I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!

Photo by Flickr User: JiminDestin

See, how hard was that?

I do want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for all your support over the last month and a half. For putting up with my spaciness, last-minute plan cancelling, late night emails, early departures, and (most of all) total lack of posting.

Updates are coming. Now that I have my life back, I'll have some fun and interesting things to say, I'm sure.

Truth be told...

I really can't get a read on how my interview went today. I know that the folks I talked to have a tremendous respect for me as a professional and a worker, but I really can't get a read on what they think of me for the new position.

Oh well, if it doesn't work out, I'll just keep working hard, taking on the new opportunities as they arise and read. A lot.

Though no decisions have been made, they tell me that the position may be up again in six months. I'm encouraged by that, definitely.

Either way, I appreciate that they thought of me. It's nice to be considered for new things. :)

Interesting Conversations

So, last Friday I got a call from my boss at the consulting firm.

"Lindsay," he said, "I want to come by on Monday and talk to you about new opportunity."

My first thought, of course, went to the bad. Did my boss at the school system want to get rid of me?

Nope, as it turns out this is a good thing. An excellent thing. A thing that anyone would be out of their mind not to jump at. And of course, I'm not out of my mind, so I'm looking forward to the formal part of applying for the opportunity to manage 70 people.

Yes, I said 70. 7-0. Seven-dash-zero. Seventy.

Kinda cool, huh? I mean, it's not mine yet, but besides the whole firing thing, I think I can totally do it. It's basically keeping people happy and making sure that they're doing what they're supposed to be doing.

Plus, there's a pretty darn good chance that I'll actually get business cards. Considering that I'm now on my second job since college and haven't seen a single card, that's a good thing. For Chrissake's, my sister ran away and joined the freaking circus, and got business cards. I think I'm due.

So, stay tuned; prepared to (possibly) get pretend-fired by me (a girl needs the practice), and wish me lots of luck as I move towards this new phase in my career!!!

That's all. What's next?

Geeks Wanted!!!

Don't worry, I'm not knocking geeks. I ♥ Geeks...especially ones who can help me out with a little problem I'm facing.

My new gig wants me to create a character and do my new job as this particular character. For semi-obvious reasons for anyone who's ever really looked at me, the character that I've chosen is Dana Scully: Washed Up Reality TV Star.

The angle: The X-Files wasn't a fictionalized series, it was a reality show. Since it ended, Agent Scully had a choice between parlaying her fame as a reality TV star into new roles or taking a job doing what I'm doing with the new company. Since ghost-hunting seemed a less dangerous option than spending a week in a house with Vanilla Ice, Gary Coleman, and the rest of the bunch picked for the Surreal Life 27, she picks that.

The entire character needs hair, makeup, and a persona that matches closely with the actual Scully character. Hair's done (thank you, Jesus!), and the makeup and clothes seem pretty easy. I've already planned a few vital explanations (i.e. I'm not really a skeptic, it was a trick of the editors to create a character -- the standard reality TV show line), but there is a serious and singular problem that I'm having a hard time overcoming...

I have NEVER watched an episode of the X-Files all the way through.

I know, I know, welcome to 1995. I get it. However, while I'm a serious ghost-geek, I don't "do" aliens, flesh-eating bacteria, or massive bug colonies. Unfortunately, since every episode that everyone tried to make me watch featured one of those things, I never turned into a fan.
So this is where you come in. The Truth, The Knowledge...it's out there!! If anyone could possibly fill me in on the essential Scully-isms, could you please email me? I'll be spending all weekend studying my notes and watching old episodes, but you'd be helping a girl out if you could fill me in on the basics. Especially catchphrases and popular quotes. Those, seriously, would be the best.

Thanks!!

Office Politics 101

Quick!!

Name the one thing that's ten-times worse than having a head-hunter call your office and leave a message for you with your boss.

Answer: Having a guy you met at a bar call your office and leave a message for you with your boss that sounds like it came from a headhunter.

Of course, since I'm playing this little pop-quiz, you can probably guess that that's exactly what happened this morning. About ten minutes ago, I got this lovely email from Ginny, the HR Director at my firm:

Hi Lindsay
I received a phone message for you from
Fred Name Redacted
Baltimore Chamber of Commerce
Phone Redacted

He asked that you call as soon as possible.

Instantly, I recognized Fred as the guy I met at the BJAC (Baltimore Junior Association of Commerce for those not playing along regularly -- someone probably wants to fill Fred in on that too, now that I think about it) meeting the other night. Nice guy, didn't make much of an impression, but, then again, I was having an active, interesting, conversation before he walked up and tried to insert himself with the usual new-person-small-talk. "What do you do, Where do you work," you know, those types of things.

Little did I know that the answers to those two questions would land me in my present situation. I mean, you guys know how much of an impression I can make when I'm not even trying. From what I can gather, he took the time to look up the phone number of my firm, and left a nice, succinct message with the HR Director that sounded, unfortunately, like he was looking to steal me away. Oh Goody...corporate suicide. Ironically enough, this isn't the first time that HR has gotten involved in my dating life, and while the "Chocolate Incident" and its associated nightmares is definitely a story for another time, I would have preferred the chocolate again. Yummy, and much easier to explain, by far!

After explaining myself to HR, I think they were relieved. I, of course, am mortified, and these guys don't tend to forget things. They're still asking if I'm still dating the guy (my neighbor) from our Calypso Cruise two years ago. Clearly, I'm not, but then again, I never was in the first place. Our Winter Formal is next weekend, so I'm looking forward to a night full of good-natured ribbing about Ginny being my "social director."

Silver Lining: THANK GOD the message wasn't something like "I'm looking for the hottie with the nice ass that I met out drinking on Tuesday." Because, seriously, while I work hard for my ass, I like my ass employed at a job I actually work harder at. Somehow, I'm thinking that implying that I
spend my Tuesdays bellied-up to a bar isn't going to go over too well when I've sick all week with strep-throat.

I am so excited

And nervous. Nervously excited if you will. I have a job interview on Thursday (no, I'm not leaving the school system or my current consulting firm) in a spirited town for a position that requires public speaking.

Now, if anyone reading this is thinking, "Um, Linds, did you read what you just wrote? I've heard you attempt to speak in public and well, we've gotta talk because you sure can't." Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Give me a script or an interesting topic that doesn't require me reaching into the deepest depths of my soul and a reason to walk backwards, and we'll get along just fine. I've actually done just that sort of thing before.

I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not answering any questions until Thursday night. Just think lovely spirited thoughts for whatever it may be please!!

Effective Steps in dealing with IT...suggestions from one of the poor slaves in the biz.

IT folks are traditionally the most under-appreciated people in an organization. Everyone seems to want to complain about the systems that we put out when more often than not, it's a lack of understanding of the system or an unwillingness to respond to requests for input that made the system that way. Due to budget and timing constraints, we can't spend our days chasing down users who we've asked to provide input on the new system but have refused to provide it. However, it HURTS when those same users turn around and tell everyone how much the system sucks. Moreover, 90% of the "problems" that are created are the direct result of someone not listening or reading the training materials provided. All last summer, I was catering to ONE SCHOOL who wouldn't be able to find their way out of a paper bag if you drew an arrow. I kid you not, I got at least 3 phone calls a day for a month with the same exact question. They clearly weren't listening. I'd call back or drive out there to help on my way home (after working for 8 hours!!), walk them through it, and instead of going "Ok, you walked me through the first two. I think I got it," they would make me stand there while they went through 25 kids the exact same way (and this takes a least an hour) with the same questions being asked at the same points and clearly no learning going on. Then, at the end of the session, they would go, "So when are you ever going to publish a manual?" When I told her that I would do it as soon as I stopped getting 25 calls a week, she accused me of being "unhelpful" and "mean." Un-freakin-believable.
If you want your IT department to respond positively, seriously, follow these steps...
1) Look online for help materials and read what's out there before calling. If you don't understand it, at least acknowledge that you've read it and ask specific questions. If we get enough questions, we can change the help materials, but we'd like to know that we've put out there has been looked at.
2) When you call, have a smile in your voice or sound desperate. We know you're frustrated, but we'd rather help a user who sounds nice than be yelled at.
3) Say please and thank you!!!! We're people, not your personal slaves. You'd be amazed how much this doesn't happen.
4) Don't tell us that our system sucks...ask politely for changes. You'd hate your boss to tell you that your work sucks...why wouldn't we feel any differently?
5) If you're a girl and you get an IT guy on the phone, flirt a little. Just trust me on that one.
6) If you must leave a message, please leave a message that gives a little information about what you're calling about. "Call me back" (note the lack of a please too!) doesn't get you nearly as far as "I did X and the system blew up. Can you please call ASAP??" does. More importantly, please give us a little time to call back. One user I have loves to call and then send an email to my boss if I don't call back within 5 minutes. Yes, I'm serious.
7) We need specifics. As soon as something happens, write down WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN IT HAPPENED. If you pressed a button, we need to know that. If you did something you shouldn't have been doing, DON'T TRY TO HIDE IT!! We can probably get you out of the mess, but you need to tell us what you did to get yourself in the situation. This is a time to be completely honest. Also, if you're in a database, let us know what record you were working with...sometimes someone has done something to that specific record and it's the only one that's acting weird.
8) Know what you're asking for. I answered a specific question for one user and then she called my boss's boss to complain that I didn't answer her question correctly. When I was getting in trouble with my boss, it turned out the question had changed. If you get the question answered and it's not what you wanted, it's not the fault of the IT person who didn't answer the question you didn't ask.
9) Learn the hours of your favorite IT person and respect those hours. I work from 6-2, so it's really frustrating to get a call at 1:59 with a question that could wait until the next day. If it's an emergency, by all means, please call. I'll stay as long as you need me to to help. However, if you just want to know how to do something that you don't have to do until next week or request changes to the system (or are calling to tell me that my system sucks!), please save it for another day. Leaving for the day after hearing that your work is terrible is downright depressing.
10) When you call with a question about the system, and it's possible to get in, please be in the system before calling. It saves time on the call if you're ready.
Following all of these simple steps will help you get a better response from your helpful and nice IT department.

A Take Your Kid to Work Day poem

It’s 8 AM and all is well,
But this day soon is shot to hell.
Invaders from the kinder care
With plans your workday to impair!

You’re sitting quietly at your desk
But turn around to find a mess
Your plant uprooted and markers strewn
Around your peaceful office room.

The parents are at their last wits end
And pass them to you, their single friend.
They shout: “Entertain Joe or Bob or Billy!
You need the practice too, you silly.”

You grit your teeth and try to work
You resolve to call the pharmacy clerk.
No way in Hades will this happen to you
And you tell these wayward brats to “Shoo!”

Now kids are great, please let me say.
There’s just too many on this one day.
Small and mighty, they pack a punch.
Thank God, they’ll only stay through lunch.