I made Cosmo

Yesterday, Becca called me out on the fact that I never post on this thing. So I posted missive #1 while at work (Chris says I never work all day, and ok, it's true).

So I get home from work, and Julia goes, "Your new name is Maribel."
"What?"
"The Cosmo article that Rebecca Onion pitched, your bonfire comment made it. Your name's Maribel."

So I look, and sure enough my love lesson is in there, right on page 199 and with a fake name and grammatical editing (incorrectly, I might add)! I don't understand the need for a fake name on that particular one -- the engagement story would have made a much better fake name one -- but I'm happy just the same.

In full, it's "Save the litle things when you first start dating a new guy, like ticket stubs and cards. When you realize he's a keeper, you'll be glad you have them -- you can can enjoy the bonfire if he turns out to be a total dud."

I'll see if I can find the original email I sent Rebecca. I think that there's some real keepers (ticket stubs and all) in there.

I'll take awkward moments for 100, Alex

Ok, so I ran into CM last night. He looks amazing; he’s had to have dropped like 20# and he has a beard now. So cute.

We’re talking, and I say something that JR interprets as me bringing up the night in Annapolis (which I wasn’t!!). So he starts talking about how he was stuck hanging out with the guy who wanted to come in and interrupt us. At first neither of us knew what he was referring to because he kept saying “the last convention” and CM wasn’t there. I figure it out about the same time that Jason leaves to go to the bathroom. As soon as he’s gone, CM turns and goes, “Do you know what he’s talking about?” So then, I have the joy of explaining it, which opens a completely new can of worms.

I didn’t think it could get much worse, but then we reach the DAILY DOUBLE. He gets all cute/funny and gossipy and goes, “So, how long has this been going on?” Now it’s my turn to be confused. Turns out, he’s had the impression all night that JR and I are together!

So THEN, we get that one straightened out, and we move on to FINAL JEOPARDY. I’m about to tell him how great he looks when he opens his mouth and starts talking about how this girl who never gave him the time of day last year ran into him in a bar and told him how amazing he looks. He was going on and on about how he didn’t appreciate it because he thought it showed how superficial she was (he included some extra details that suggested he knew the difference between a compliment and a pick-up). Even though I think I’m really over my crush on him (no, seriously, I am), I do think he looks great. However, with the fact that the whole Annapolis episode was just brought up, I figure it’s just better to keep my mouth shut.

Yes, I’m a spaz and I’m not afraid to admit it.

A Take Your Kid to Work Day poem

It’s 8 AM and all is well,
But this day soon is shot to hell.
Invaders from the kinder care
With plans your workday to impair!

You’re sitting quietly at your desk
But turn around to find a mess
Your plant uprooted and markers strewn
Around your peaceful office room.

The parents are at their last wits end
And pass them to you, their single friend.
They shout: “Entertain Joe or Bob or Billy!
You need the practice too, you silly.”

You grit your teeth and try to work
You resolve to call the pharmacy clerk.
No way in Hades will this happen to you
And you tell these wayward brats to “Shoo!”

Now kids are great, please let me say.
There’s just too many on this one day.
Small and mighty, they pack a punch.
Thank God, they’ll only stay through lunch.

The American's Creed

"I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed, a democracy in a republic, a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.

"I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies."

-- Written 1917 by William Tyler Page, accepted by the United States House of Representatives on April 3, 1918.

I first saw these words yesterday while I was wandering around the Maryland State House, and for the past 24 hours, I've been wondering why Americans have never learned to recite these words as faithfully as they recite the Pledge of Allegiance. These words are, in my opinion, far less controversial than the pledge, and to my knowledge, they are the same words that Page inteded. The Pledge has been changed twice - with objections from Francis Bellamy and again by Bellamy's daughter - and now it's facing a third challenge. The original pledge failed in that it wasn't specific enough. In it's first incarnation, the pledge only said "my flag and the republic for which it stands." That was fine with Bellamy as he intended it to be a multi-use pledge for any citizen of any nation. When the US government decided that they needed to change it to "the flag of the United States of America," Bellamy objected. When, in 1952, President Eisenhower changed the pledge to include the words "under God," it was Bellamy's daughter's turn to object.

My problems with the pledge is that it aligns itself to a symbol of the country, not the ideals and principals that make the United States the great land it is today. A symbol is great, don't get me wrong, but you actually need that symbol in the room in order to pledge allegiance to it. The creed is different. It reminds us of why our forefathers and mothers risked life and limb to get here, it doesn't require a flag in the room, and it tells us what we should do to show our allegiance. It may be longer than the Pledge, but at least the content is clear.

Michael Phelps

SALISBURY, Md. (AP) -- Six-time Olympic champion Michael Phelps was
arrested last week and charged with drunken driving.
A trooper saw the
19-year-old swimming sensation go through a stop sign Thursday night, state
police said Monday. The trooper saw signs of intoxication and arrested Phelps
for driving under the influence, police said.
Phelps also was charged with
violation of a license restriction and failure to obey a stop sign. The legal
drinking age in Maryland is 21.
"I made a mistake." Phelps told Sports
Illustrated's Rick Reilly by phone. "I know it's wrong to get into a car when
you've had anything to drink. I'm 19 years old and I made a big mistake. I was
taught to take responsibility for your actions so that's why I'm
calling."
The swimmer from suburban Baltimore won eight medals at the Athens
Olympics, including six golds.
Phelps, wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey, was
introduced to the crowd before the team's game Sunday night.

Is it wrong that this story actually gives me more respect for Michael Phelps? The kid is 19 years old, he's in a college town (not that that's an excuse, but it gives insight into why he was in the car and where he probably was before then), he breaks the story himself, and he admits that he's wrong. Of course, I guarantee you that Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, and all of the morning shows will be salivating over this going "What went wrong?"

You know what went wrong? Absolutely nothing. The kid was born 2 years too late and driving the wrong car is what went wrong. I don't know any of this for certain, but here's my theory...Michael's got a free weekend, he goes to see some friends at their school (Salisbury University - the biggest party school in Maryland -- good choice!), they're out at college night or a frat party (because it's 5p somewhere and because the weekend always starts on Thursday in college), and Michael's got the car...being that most of his friends from home are probably Freshmen or Sophomores it's a good bet that they don't. They pile in for a short drive back to the dorm/apartment and Michael is driving a black escalade.

Now be honest, when you think of a black escalade who do you think is driving? Michael Phelps was stopped for running a stop sign. Not a stop light, a stop sign. Still dangerous, but A STOP SIGN. Personally, I think he was "racially profiled. " Salisbury is still a relatively small town, and they don't tend to get black escalades running around in the middle of the night. Either it was a reallllllllllllly slow night on the Perdue Farms beat or the cop saw the escalade and decided to tail it because "obviously these guys were out for trouble." Imagine his suprise when instead of the profile he expected, he got a white, slightly goofy, internationally-known, world-class athelete. I hear there could be a job opening at the Salisbury PD.

Drunk Driving is wrong, Racial profiling is wrong, and I hope that the second part of the theory I have is wrong. I'm just not looking forward to days upon days of discussions about what went wrong with Michael. Nothing went wrong with Michael. He's 19, it's a college town...even though he's not a student he's hanging out with students...drinking is a part of college life (hey, my school issued Freshmen their own beer coozies and bottle openers). He's a normal kid, let's leave him alone and get past this. There are NFL drug dealers and NHL hit men to focus on instead.

Yahoo! News - Read a Book, Get Oral Sex?

Yahoo! News - Read a Book, Get Oral Sex?

You'd think that someone would actually check the ads...just to make sure. But no. The 22 year old mail guys got it, the rest of the city got it. Obviously, the 60-ish head of marketing didn't get it and doesn't get it often enough either way. That reminds me, why would the Metropolitan Transit Authority put someone in their mid-60s in charge of marketing? I'm not trying to be ageist here, but if their demographic is the 18-49 set, wouldn't you want someone who actually knows the demographic???

15 Kids

I just watched this insane show on TLC about a family with 15 kids (2 sets of twins). These folks got married at 17 and 19 and became baby-making rednecks right away. I can say "baby-making rednecks" because the father's name is...

JIM-BOB. Yes, Jim-Bob. And if that's not enough, every child's name starts with "J" - even Jinger. Doesn't that ususally start with a "G"?

Two years ago, father Jim-Bob ran for Senate. He didn't win, but I admire the effort. If anyone knows anything about family values, it's this guy.