Last night

You guys haven’t gotten a story from me in a while, so here we go….

Last night, I get home, and I’m walking from the car to the house when this guy probably around 22 stumbles out of a cab (thank God), tries to open the gate to the fence surrounding the house (um, there actually wasn’t one – fence OR gate) and failing to do that, falls face-first on the concrete stairs leading up to the house. This is the side of the street with a ton of stairs, so I’m not feeling too confident about his chances of actually getting up them without the police and a CSI unit being there in the morning (of course it’d be eventually ruled accidental, but still). I offer to help the guy up them. Not quite sure what I can actually do about that, but I figured I’d try. He lolls his head over and yells at me to leave him there. Nice. The driver sees this, gets out and goes, “Do you know this guy (I didn’t); does he belong here? (Not a clue).”

We decide not to leave him on the front steps so the driver grabs him around the waist, and I go up and start banging on the door. Then, when we realize no one’s home, we start dragging him up the stairs so at least he’ll be on the porch and not lying face first on the sidewalk. Even if it’s random, it’s better than nothing. Since he’s 100% dead weight, this isn’t fun. The driver is yelling at him to at least help (yeah that’s gonna work). We’re most of the way up, the guy’s pants are falling down, and the door to the house finally opens.

First thing I notice, stuff is EVERYWHERE. Seriously, it’s like the packrats from hell live there. Second thing, the guy who answered the door is preparing to yell at ME for getting what I presume is his son in that condition (completely obliterated and now half-naked! – Kinda sounds like an ad for a sleazy club on the Block, but I digress). Cab Driver steps in and goes, “Do you know this guy?”

Father: Yes, what the HELL happened (this is directed at me)?

Me (smiling, attempting not to provoke): No clue. I’m your neighbor, this is the cab driver. I was just walking by…

Cab Driver (who’s pissed that he’s now dragged this guy up the stairs and doesn’t know if he’s going to have to drag him down): His friend gave me $20 to take him home. Is…this…home?

Father: Yep.

Instead of taking his kid from the cabby, he just opens the door to let him inside. I drop the arm I’m holding, but seriously, there is an established order to these things. Whether it’s a pizza or a drunk-ass kid, if a stranger shows up to the door to deliver something and it’s not from IKEA, you accept it with a smile and a tip and you transport it inside yourself.

Thinking about it though, I bet the driver didn’t even get a tip.